Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it correct, not tried it. — Donald E. Knuth; 1977 % I define UNIX as 30 definitions of regular expressions living under one roof. — Donald E. Knuth; Digital Typography, ch. 33, p. 649 (1999) % One of my most productive days was throwing away 1000 lines of code. — Ken Thompson % Debugging is twice as hard as writing the code in the first place. Therefore, if you write the code as cleverly as possible, you are, by definition, not smart enough to debug it. — Brian W. Kernighan and P. J. Plauger in The Elements of Programming Style. % You are missing the point. Badly. All software sucks, be it open-source [or] proprietary. The only question is what can be done with particular instance of suckage, and that's where having the source matters. — Alexander Viro https://web.archive.org/web/20130529234218/http://lkml.indiana.edu/hypermail/linux/kernel/0404.3/1344.html % {Ex-Cyber} some part of me desperately wants to believe that XML-RPC is some kind of elaborate joke, like a cross between Discordianism and IP Over Avian Carriers % Not only is UNIX dead, it’s starting to smell really bad. — Rob Pike circa 1991 % cat came back from Berkeley waving flags — Rob Pike % The X server has to be the biggest program I’ve ever seen that doesn’t do anything for you. — Ken Thompson % Hofstadter’s Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter’s Law. % My definition of an expert in any field is a person who knows enough about what’s really going on to be scared. — P. J. Plauger, Computer Language, March 1983 % Theory is when you know something, but it doesn’t work. Practice is when something works, but you don’t know why. Programmers combine theory and practice: Nothing works and they don’t know why. % A computer is a stupid machine with the ability to do incredibly smart things, while computer programmers are smart people with the ability to do incredibly stupid things. They are, in short, a perfect match % Code never lies, comments sometimes do. — Ron Jeffries % BEWARE: the docs lie! — /usr/share/xcb/randr.xml line 96 % A distributed system is one in which the failure of a computer you didn’t even know existed can render your own computer unusable. — Leslie Lamport % That’s the thing about people who think they hate computers. What they really hate is lousy programmers. — Larry Niven and Jerry Pournelle Oath of Fealty % I have always wished that my computer would be as easy to use as my telephone. My wish has come true. I no longer know how to use my telephone. — Bjarne Stroustrup % Software gets slower faster than hardware gets faster. — Wirth’s law % The problem with object-oriented languages is they’ve got all this implicit environment that they carry around with them. You wanted a banana but what you got was a gorilla holding the banana and the entire jungle. — Joe Armstrong % Bourne again. % Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes hurtling down the highway. — Andrew S. Tanenbaum; Computer Networks, 3rd ed., p. 83. (paraphrasing Dr. Warren Jackson, Director, University of Toronto Computing Services (UTCS) circa 1985) % all the cringe she said 🎵 all the cringe she said 🎵 running through her head 🎵 running through her head 🎵 — vyivel https://outerheaven.club/objects/5538b70a-b9b4-479c-963e-4bcd60640b65 % who called it object oriented programming and not class struggle — elle mundy https://mastodon.world/@exchgr/110686507297491516 % When I google for “cold dark place filled with sadness and despair” right now (with the quotes), google gives me exactly one result - my Linux kernel github repository. — Linus Torvalds https://social.kernel.org/objects/c002fc06-9a1d-47cf-8cfd-51c75d121122 % I need privacy. Not because my actions are questionable, but because your judgement and intentions are. % Watch out for nested macros — Tron (1982) @ 00:59:51 % Haggis has a hole in his roof. He never fixed it because on rainy days it it too wet to work. And on sunny days it doesn't need fixing. % Don't tell me that catgirl and the IBN 5100 are connected somehow. — Okarin, Steins; Gate (2009) % I keep vaguely wondering what Macs are like, but the ones I've seen spend too much time being friendly. — Terry Pratchett; alt.fan.pratchett (5 July 1992) % "Educational" refers to the process, not the object. Although, come to think of it, some of my teachers could easily have been replaced by a cheeseburger. — Terry Pratchett; alt.fan.pratchett (15 October 1996) % Oh dear, I'm feeling political today. It's just that it's dawned on me that 'zero tolerance' only seems to mean putting extra police in poor, run-down areas, and not in the Stock Exchange. — Terry Pratchett; alt.fan.pratchett % Up until now I'd always thought RSI meant 'I hate my damn job'. — Terry Pratchett; alt.fan.pratchett % There is a rumour going around that I have found God. I think this is unlikely because I have enough difficulty finding my keys, and there is empirical evidence that they exist. — Terry Pratchett % I don't mind authority, but not authoritarian authority. After all, the bus driver is allowed to be the boss of the bus. But if he's bad at driving, he's not going to be a bus driver anymore. — Terry Pratchett in Interview with Cory Doctorow % Half of the world is women! — 紅の豚 (Porco Rosso, 1992) % Better a pig than a Fascist. — 紅の豚 (Porco Rosso, 1992) % I've simply been pretending to be an adult until I can make it as an ideal grown-up. — Himmel, Sousou no Frieren (2024) % It's so cold out here I can see my farts. — granny, Celeste % Aux mains de l'État, la force s'appelle "droit", aux mains de l'individu, elle se nomme "crime". — Max Stirner, L'unique et sa propriété % J'appelle société conviviale une société où l'outil moderne est au service de la personne intégrée à la collectivité, et non au service d'un corps de spécialistes. Conviviale est la société où l'homme contrôle l'outil. — La convivialité (1973), Ivan Illich, éd. Points, 1973 (ISBN 978-2-7578-4211-9), p. 13 % When men refer to themselves as "alpha males", I hear that in the context of software, where alpha veresions are unstable, missing important features, filled with flaws and nor fit for the public. — Glenn F. Henriksen % >go to friends house >he has humidifier >pour two liter of rootbeer into it >leave % No matter what I do, the PC-98 remains obsolete! — Mamoru; 16-bit Sensation - Another Layer (episode 10, 00:16:27) % Il serait temps que t'apprennes comment obtenir le son sur ce truc. — Mémé Ciredutemps; Wyrd Sisters (animated) 00:27:45 % When life gives you lemons, ask for salt and tequila. — Who Am I: Kein System Ist Sicher % We had Joy, we had fun, We ran Unix, on a Sun, But the source and the song Of Solaris have all gone — Michael Büker (@emtiu@twitter.com), 2016-12-09 % I'd rather drink a pint of castor oil than let anyone use my machines. — Benny; Black Lagoon, episode 18 @ 00:17:03 % I spent my entire childhood wishing that I was older now I'm older and this shit sucks % we went directly from free software being bad to saying that the software community matters more than software quality without ever passing through the software being good first — sun@shitposter.club 2024-04-13 https://shitposter.world/objects/d0f33a25-5dd9-4957-98ea-fac5eaceca07 % ❌ free as in beer ❌ free as in speech ✅ free as in the shelf you picked up off the side of the road that had a big FREE sign — @astrid@fedi.astrid.tech 2024-03-31 https://fedi.astrid.tech/objects/0981d0ff-73fb-4776-9670-483078d6b010 % In Computer Programming; 1 + 1 = … A: 11; B: 2; C: 10; D: "11" % fool stack developer — @astrid@fedi.astrid.tech 2024-07-04 https://fedi.astrid.tech/objects/814bbacf-0b5f-4c67-830e-920d9e3f3e8a % Program testing can be a very effective way to show the presence of bugs, but it is hopelessly inadequate for showing their absence. — Edsger W. Dijkstra, "The Humble Programmer" (1972) % In short, you can't use sizeof() on a structure whose elements haven't been defined, and if you do, demons may fly out of your nose. — John F. Woods, % Better just drag this porn .mp4 accross the full width of my desktop over work chat to the media pla oops dropped it — 2021-02-13 "vlc media player" % venite@twitter> A friend learned COBOL and received a codebase where the last change was done in the 90s... by. his. mum. imaguid@twitter> that's not how inheritance is supposed to work in programming % I'm in a super good mood. Everything is still broken, but now it's funny instead of making me mad. — Gary Bernhardt (@garybernhardt) January 28, 2013 % All the many eyes are apparently attached to a lot of hands that type lots of words about many eyes, and never actually audit code. — Theo de Raadt % C is a razor-sharp tool, with which one can create an elegant and efficient program or a bloody mess. — Brian Kernighan, The Practice of Programming (1999) % Internet Explorer allows one to browse the Internet from your computer, and vice versa % At this point, geofronts only exist within Japan and in science fiction. - User:Kiwima on https://en.wiktionary.org/w/index.php?title=geofront&oldid=67882629 % Q: Why doesn't Linode offer Windows VPS by default? A: It's called Linode, and that means "Linux node", it's not called "Winode". Q: If I install FreeBSD, does it mean that the host is going to open chatrooms for everyone? % Sashok: Здравствуйте, это канал об аниме? Да. Sashok: Как мне пропатчить KDE2 под FreeBSD? % Somehow I've lucked out and have an 8yo who thinks secretly reading under the covers past her bedtime is an act of rebellion, and it hasn't yet occurred to her that her flashlights never seem to run out of batteries. — Robert McNees 2020-08-13 - https://mastodon.social/@mcnees/110334058263166569 % here are the stable *gestures towards horse stables containing Debian* and here are the unstables *gestures towards horse stables containing a version of Debian which is not fully tested, flickers, glitches in and out of reality, and explodes sending several car hammers in many directions* — https://tapenoise.cafe/@kix3n/112182258732358279 % One of the big cries today is that software costs too much, and you can't maintain it. — Admiral Grace Hopper, Future Possibilities: Data, Hardware, Software, and People (1982) (00:15:08) %