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fortunes.txt (9433B)

    

  1. Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it correct, not tried it.
  2. — Donald E. Knuth; 1977 <https://cs.stanford.edu/~knuth/faq.html>
  3. %
  4. I define UNIX as 30 definitions of regular expressions living under one roof.
  5. — Donald E. Knuth; Digital Typography, ch. 33, p. 649 (1999)
  6. %
  7. One of my most productive days was throwing away 1000 lines of code.
  8. — Ken Thompson
  9. %
  10. Debugging is twice as hard as writing the code in the first place. Therefore, if you write the code as cleverly as possible, you are, by definition, not smart enough to debug it.
  11. — Brian W. Kernighan and P. J. Plauger in The Elements of Programming Style.
  12. %
  13. You are missing the point. Badly. All software sucks, be it open-source [or] proprietary. The only question is what can be done with particular instance of suckage, and that's where having the source matters.
  14. — Alexander Viro https://web.archive.org/web/20130529234218/http://lkml.indiana.edu/hypermail/linux/kernel/0404.3/1344.html
  15. %
  16. {Ex-Cyber} some part of me desperately wants to believe that XML-RPC is some kind of elaborate joke, like a cross between Discordianism and IP Over Avian Carriers
  17. %
  18. Not only is UNIX dead, it’s starting to smell really bad.
  19. — Rob Pike circa 1991
  20. %
  21. cat came back from Berkeley waving flags
  22. — Rob Pike
  23. %
  24. The X server has to be the biggest program I’ve ever seen that doesn’t do anything for you.
  25. — Ken Thompson
  26. %
  27. Hofstadter’s Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter’s Law.
  28. %
  29. My definition of an expert in any field is a person who knows enough about what’s really going on to be scared.
  30. — P. J. Plauger, Computer Language, March 1983
  31. %
  32. Theory is when you know something, but it doesn’t work. Practice is when something works, but you don’t know why. Programmers combine theory and practice: Nothing works and they don’t know why.
  33. %
  34. A computer is a stupid machine with the ability to do incredibly smart things, while computer programmers are smart people with the ability to do incredibly stupid things. They are, in short, a perfect match
  35. %
  36. Code never lies, comments sometimes do.
  37. — Ron Jeffries
  38. %
  39. BEWARE: the docs lie!
  40. — /usr/share/xcb/randr.xml line 96
  41. %
  42. A distributed system is one in which the failure of a computer you didn’t even know existed can render your own computer unusable.
  43. — Leslie Lamport
  44. %
  45. That’s the thing about people who think they hate computers. What they really hate is lousy programmers.
  46. — Larry Niven and Jerry Pournelle Oath of Fealty
  47. %
  48. I have always wished that my computer would be as easy to use as my telephone. My wish has come true. I no longer know how to use my telephone.
  49. — Bjarne Stroustrup
  50. %
  51. Software gets slower faster than hardware gets faster.
  52. — Wirth’s law
  53. %
  54. The problem with object-oriented languages is they’ve got all this implicit environment that they carry around with them. You wanted a banana but what you got was a gorilla holding the banana and the entire jungle.
  55. — Joe Armstrong
  56. %
  57. Bourne again.
  58. %
  59. Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes hurtling down the highway.
  60. — Andrew S. Tanenbaum; Computer Networks, 3rd ed., p. 83. (paraphrasing Dr. Warren Jackson, Director, University of Toronto Computing Services (UTCS) circa 1985)
  61. %
  62. all the cringe she said 🎵
  63. all the cringe she said 🎵
  64. running through her head 🎵
  65. running through her head 🎵
  66. — vyivel https://outerheaven.club/objects/5538b70a-b9b4-479c-963e-4bcd60640b65
  67. %
  68. who called it object oriented programming and not class struggle
  69. — elle mundy https://mastodon.world/@exchgr/110686507297491516
  70. %
  71. When I google for “cold dark place filled with sadness and despair” right now (with the quotes), google gives me exactly one result - my Linux kernel github repository.
  72. — Linus Torvalds https://social.kernel.org/objects/c002fc06-9a1d-47cf-8cfd-51c75d121122
  73. %
  74. I need privacy. Not because my actions are questionable, but because your judgement and intentions are.
  75. %
  76. Watch out for nested macros
  77. — Tron (1982) @ 00:59:51
  78. %
  79. Haggis has a hole in his roof. He never fixed it because on rainy days it it too wet to work. And on sunny days it doesn't need fixing.
  80. %
  81. Don't tell me that catgirl and the IBN 5100 are connected somehow.
  82. — Okarin, Steins; Gate (2009)
  83. %
  84. I keep vaguely wondering what Macs are like, but the ones I've seen spend too much time being friendly.
  85. — Terry Pratchett; alt.fan.pratchett (5 July 1992)
  86. %
  87. "Educational" refers to the process, not the object. Although, come to think of it, some of my teachers could easily have been replaced by a cheeseburger.
  88. — Terry Pratchett; alt.fan.pratchett (15 October 1996)
  89. %
  90. Oh dear, I'm feeling political today. It's just that it's dawned on me that 'zero tolerance' only seems to mean putting extra police in poor, run-down areas, and not in the Stock Exchange.
  91. — Terry Pratchett; alt.fan.pratchett
  92. %
  93. Up until now I'd always thought RSI meant 'I hate my damn job'.
  94. — Terry Pratchett; alt.fan.pratchett
  95. %
  96. There is a rumour going around that I have found God. I think this is unlikely because I have enough difficulty finding my keys, and there is empirical evidence that they exist.
  97. — Terry Pratchett
  98. %
  99. I don't mind authority, but not authoritarian authority. After all, the bus driver is allowed to be the boss of the bus. But if he's bad at driving, he's not going to be a bus driver anymore.
  100. — Terry Pratchett in Interview with Cory Doctorow
  101. %
  102. Half of the world is women!
  103. — 紅の豚 (Porco Rosso, 1992)
  104. %
  105. Better a pig than a Fascist.
  106. — 紅の豚 (Porco Rosso, 1992)
  107. %
  108. I've simply been pretending to be an adult until I can make it as an ideal grown-up.
  109. — Himmel, Sousou no Frieren (2024)
  110. %
  111. It's so cold out here I can see my farts.
  112. — granny, Celeste
  113. %
  114. Aux mains de l'État, la force s'appelle "droit", aux mains de l'individu, elle se nomme "crime".
  115. — Max Stirner, L'unique et sa propriété
  116. %
  117. J'appelle société conviviale une société où l'outil moderne est au service de la personne intégrée à la collectivité, et non au service d'un corps de spécialistes. Conviviale est la société où l'homme contrôle l'outil.
  118. — La convivialité (1973), Ivan Illich, éd. Points, 1973  (ISBN 978-2-7578-4211-9), p. 13
  119. %
  120. When men refer to themselves as "alpha males", I hear that in the context of software, where alpha veresions are unstable, missing important features, filled with flaws and nor fit for the public.
  121. — Glenn F. Henriksen
  122. %
  123. >go to friends house
  124. >he has humidifier
  125. >pour two liter of rootbeer into it
  126. >leave
  127. %
  128. No matter what I do, the PC-98 remains obsolete!
  129. — Mamoru; 16-bit Sensation - Another Layer (episode 10, 00:16:27)
  130. %
  131. Il serait temps que t'apprennes comment obtenir le son sur ce truc.
  132. — Mémé Ciredutemps; Wyrd Sisters (animated) 00:27:45
  133. %
  134. When life gives you lemons, ask for salt and tequila.
  135. — Who Am I: Kein System Ist Sicher
  136. %
  137. We had Joy, we had fun,
  138. We ran Unix, on a Sun,
  139. But the source and the song
  140. Of Solaris have all gone
  141. — Michael Büker (@emtiu@twitter.com), 2016-12-09
  142. %
  143. I'd rather drink a pint of castor oil than let anyone use my machines.
  144. — Benny; Black Lagoon, episode 18 @ 00:17:03
  145. %
  146. I spent my entire childhood wishing that I was older now I'm older and this shit sucks
  147. %
  148. we went directly from free software being bad to saying that the software community matters more than software quality without ever passing through the software being good first
  149. — https://shitposter.world/objects/d0f33a25-5dd9-4957-98ea-fac5eaceca07
  150. %
  151. ❌ free as in beer
  152. ❌ free as in speech
  153. ✅ free as in the shelf you picked up off the side of the road that had a big FREE sign
  154. — https://fedi.astrid.tech/objects/0981d0ff-73fb-4776-9670-483078d6b010
  155. %
  156. In Computer Programming; 1 + 1 = …
  157. A: 11; B: 2; C: 10; D: "11"
  158. %
  159. fool stack developer
  160. — https://fedi.astrid.tech/objects/814bbacf-0b5f-4c67-830e-920d9e3f3e8a
  161. %
  162. Program testing can be a very effective way to show the presence of bugs, but it is hopelessly inadequate for showing their absence.
  163. — Edsger W. Dijkstra, "The Humble Programmer" (1972)
  164. %
  165. In short, you can't use sizeof() on a structure whose elements haven't been
  166. defined, and if you do, demons may fly out of your nose.
  167. — John F. Woods, <https://groups.google.com/g/comp.std.c/c/ycpVKxTZkgw/m/S2hHdTbv4d8J>
  168. %
  169. Better just drag this porn .mp4 accross the full width of my desktop over work chat to the media pla oops dropped it
  170. — 2021-02-13 "vlc media player" <https://bonequest.com/8001>
  171. %
  172. venite@twitter> A friend learned COBOL and received a codebase where the last change was done in the 90s... by. his. mum.
  173. imaguid@twitter> that's not how inheritance is supposed to work in programming
  174. %
  175. I'm in a super good mood. Everything is still broken, but now it's funny instead of making me mad.
  176. — Gary Bernhardt (@garybernhardt) January 28, 2013 <https://twitter.com/garybernhardt/status/296033898822004738>
  177. %
  178. All the many eyes are apparently attached to a lot of hands that type lots of words about many eyes, and never actually audit code.
  179. — Theo de Raadt
  180. %
  181. C is a razor-sharp tool, with which one can create an elegant and efficient program or a bloody mess.
  182. — Brian Kernighan, The Practice of Programming (1999)
  183. %
  184. Internet Explorer allows one to browse the Internet from your computer, and vice versa
  185. %
  186. At this point, geofronts only exist within Japan and in science fiction.
  187. - User:Kiwima on https://en.wiktionary.org/w/index.php?title=geofront&oldid=67882629
  188. %